To nie książka o tym, jaką sukienkę założyć na ślub. Ślubu nie będzie. Happy endu też, bo nie wszystko co piękne, kończy się jak bajki Disneya. Równie piękna może być opowieść zbudowana z prostych słów i wymownych opisów. Nawet bezsensowna miłość może być estetyczna.
Ester Nilsson to poukładana racjonalistka. Zakochuje się w artyście – bohaterze swojego artykułu. Porzuca dotychczasowe sielskie życie u boku partnera i wdaje się w romans. Pogrąża się w nim, jak w tytule, bez opamiętania. Pomimo braku wzajemności, pojawia się nadzieja i oczekiwanie. I tutaj liczy się każdy gest, a diabeł mocno zakorzenia się w szczegółach. Hugo Rask pokiwał z uznaniem na widok kurtki i powiedział, że jest piękna, nie taka nadmuchana jak inne puchówki. Ester rozpięła zamek, żeby się nie zgrzać, ale pomyślała, że gdyby całkiem ją zdjęła, mogłoby to wyglądać, jakby sama się wpraszała na dłuższą wizytę. A ponieważ dokładnie tego pragnęła – zostać tu na zawsze – to rozebrać się nie może.
Hanna Gajos (dziennikarka i wykładowca zajmująca się modą) powiedziała, że o tym, jak się rozbierać, mówi się więcej i mocniej, z kolei kultura ubioru jest pomijana, a przecież ,,Erotyka jest siłą napędową mody” – pisze na swoim blogu Gajos. Może gdyby Ester nie była aż nadto poprawna, wzbudziłaby większe zainteresowanie swoją osobą. I tu nie chodzi o to, by zaczytywała się na tematy polityczne i zgłębiała historię świata, badając skutki i przyczyny wydarzeń oraz zjawisk minionych, ale po prostu uzewnętrzniła swoje Ja przez pryzmat strojów. Tak naprawdę nie wiadomo o niej zbyt wiele. Na początku zdaje się być bezbarwną, ale bardzo skupioną na karierze osobą. Ale czy ją to dostatecznie zadowala? Gdyby tak było, nie porzuciłaby spokojnego życia z mężczyzną, który dawał jej poczucie równowagi, a przy tym zaspokajał głód fizyczny i psychiczny.
Początkowi znajomości kochanków towarzyszy cienki, szary prochowiec, który wygląda na drogi, ale zdobyty na wyprzedaży. Moment, gdy Hugo bierze go w swoje ręce jest hipnotyzujący, bo Palce trzymające tkaninę i gest, jakim unosił okrycie, były bardziej zmysłowe, niż można by oczekiwać, kiedy ktoś dotyka rzeczy materialnej. Miękkość jego ruchów ujawniała absolutną życzliwość i pełną delikatność w fizycznej postaci. Jeśli się w ten sposób dotyka rzeczy i tkanin, trzeba mieć w sobie wyjątkową czułość i wrażliwość. Nic dziwnego, że Ester myśli za dużo. Za bardzo rozczula się nad szczegółem. A mężczyzna wie, jak manipulować chwilami takimi jak ta. Niemniej robi to nieświadomie.
Ester rzadko kupuje sobie nowe ubrania. Nie przykłada do tego dużej wagi, moda w ogóle jej nie interesuje. Zmienia się to, kiedy zaczyna spotykać się z mężczyzną, który staje się obiektem jej pożądania – kupuje częściej i więcej, ale bez skrajności – nie staje się kompulsywną zakupoholiczką. Choć może byłoby to lepsze niż nieodwzajemnione uczucie.
Na szczęście Lena Andersson dozuje emocje, a właściwie trzyma rękę na pulsie. Nie stosuje egzaltowanego języka romansu, a zdania pięknie ubiera w eleganckie słowa, przy tym kreuje krótkie i rzeczowe wypowiedzi. Mimo że ubrania stanowią namiastkę powieści, ich opisy są wymowne. Dowiadujemy się, komu bardziej zależy na relacji, a komu mniej, kto się stara bardziej, a kto wcale.
Ujęcie tak banalnego tematu w ciekawy sposób świadczy o kunszcie pisarskim autorki. Nie polecam książki tym, którzy nie doświadczyli nieodwzajemnionej miłości, chyba że chcieliby się przed tym uchronić. Częstotliwość występowania opisów jest znikoma, ale to, co najbardziej wartościowe, kryje się w szczegółach.
Lena Andersson
,,Bez opamiętania”
Wydawnictwo: Wydawnictwo Pi
Seria: Literatura Północy
Liczba stron: 208
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